I have been waiting for years to be chosen.
I would respond to people who told me that I should do modeling because of my height with, “I’m waiting to be chosen.”
Once my friend shot back, “Choose yourself.”
I have been a victim of not being chosen by romantic dates, by jobs, clients, friends you name it since I can remember.
But it dawned on me, that I haven’t really chosen much of anything in my life because of general commitment issues and pain and disappointment from the past.
So today I was challenged to choose myself first.
I was also challenged to choose others first.
Be willing to be rejected.
Be willing to be vulnerable and show my weakness.
Be willing to say, I choose you and you don’t have to choose me back.
What the hell? I know, right!!
Its vulnerable and tender. It takes courage and facing some heffffty fear.
Growing up, I was taught that I needed to be chosen. It is safer to be chosen than to eb the chooser.
I would be chosen if I saved myself for marriage. (I was too horney to do that.)
If I was chosen= being good enough.
Chosen=I have value.
Chosen=I am worthy.
Chosen= I am seen.
But I’m learning its possible to believe in my worth, value, being seen, my enoughness if I chose it.
So today I am choosing myself all over again. I am choosing my smile, my awkwardly long arms and legs, my short hair, my personality, my flaws and dysfunctional inner children. I am choosing all of myself.
And I am choosing you too!
What are you choosing today?