Hi, I’m Lauren and recovering from co-dependency.
I am a therapist who has built a life on helping.
I am a middle child between two sisters.
I am a peacemaker constantly monitoring the emotions and needs of others (9 on the Enneagram).
I have an open solar plexus, open heart center, and open g-center (Human Design) meaning I feel and reflect the feelings of others, don’t a fixed identity, and don’t have consistent access to my will.
All of this to mean, I have found my identity and purpose and worthiness in being helpful and being needed…which was great!
Until it wasn’t.
Countless nights waking up at 3am worried, stressed, and feeling overwhelmed by the needs of others and the promises I made to help people.
Not being able to have a quiet mental moment because I was hearing the thoughts, emotions, and needs of those around me constantly.
Taking responsibility for how others felt and what they needed in order to help myself feel better.
All of this lead to my burn out in 2020.
Thankfully, I have amazing people/coaches/therapists around me to support me in creating a life that is livable for me.
Soooo enter in boundaries….
In order to have a pleasurable and fulfilling life, I have to be intentional about where I spend my energy what I say yes and no to, who I am around, and focusing my thoughts and emotions and behavior.
Human design has helped me to see how I reflect the needs and values of the people I surround myself with.
But it’s up to me to decide and move into places that hold the values I want to live out in my life.
It’s up to me to say yes and no to things that I can do and things that I cannot.
When I am not aware of my boundaries and my needs I end up depleted, stressed, overwhelmed and I burn out quickly.
One of the most freeing things I’ve experienced this year is how good I feel when I have time and space to do the things I love and serve within my capacity and expertise.
I felt engaged and alive and connected to myself and my clients.
My stress levels were within normal levels and I was able to sleep.
As a recovering co-dependent Pleasure Queen it has taken me years to figure all of this out and take responsibility for my life.
Here are some of the resources that have helped me:
If you have struggled with codependency and boundaries:
You are not alone!
Your needs are valuable!
You have a right to express your needs!
You are worthy of protecting yourself!
Your boundaries are your responsibility.
It takes time to learn all of this.
Pleasure and boundaries go hand and in hand.
“What Boundaries must be in place for me to stay in my Integrity and make the most Generous assumptions about you?”
-Brene Brown
Alrighty…what is your relationship to your boundaries? How can boundaries support your journey to reclaim and live in and from pleasure?